Victorian Book of the Dead

[Looby Lou]

Interesting thread. I found the pictures upsetting, but mainly because so many were of babies and children and I couldn't even think about how the parents cradling them must feel I don't find it morbid, just sad.
I don't think I would take photos of a relative once they had passed. I'm not able to give a yes or a no. A few years ago my dad was very ill and it worried me that if anything had have happened to him my son would have been too young to remember him. I know all scrapbookers are mad about taking photos, but it was this moment in my life that I started taking more photos and more importantly start scrapping the everyday moments rather than concentrating on the 'big' events. So I feel that I have so many memories captured in my scrapbooks that I feel I wouldn't need a photo of a relative once they had passed... but, who knows how I would actually feel if it happened to me.
As for still born babies, or babies that die very soon after birth, I feel differently about this. If I was ever in this awful sitiuation I know that I would want photos taken, after all that baby is and always will be my child and would be loved and missed. I would want a photographic record that my child existed and was and always would be part of our family life. I would more than likley scrap the photos too, but these LOs would be private for myself and the family and not shared on a public forum or on a blog.... again my choice, and I am not criticising anyone who does want to share such LOs.

Scrapbooking to me shouldn't be just about scrapping the happy times. I have a LO in my BOM of a scan photo of a baby that I miscarried. The journalling is heartfelt and I felt it important to be recorded as this 'event' in my life shaped my behaviour for such a long period of time. My mum thinks it is morbid to have scrapped about this, and thinks that things like this should be swept under the carpet and not talked about. I haven't shared the LO with my boys, and won't until they are old enough to understand without becoming distressed/worried about it. Neither has the LO been shared with anyone other than family.

[ArtAngel]

Sadly, I have had 2 grandsons die and I was at each of their death. My youngest daughter had baby Jordan. He would have been 10 years old on 12th October. He was only 5 and half weeks old when he died in hospital of whooping cough. He was too young to have been vacinated. It wasn't until a while afterwards that my daughter went to visit with the surgeon that she found he had had other problems. However, when he died, he had been 'strung up' to multiple wires on a life support machine. As soon as he had died, I asked that he be freed from them so my daughter and son in law could hold him. They hadn't thought that was possible in their hour of grief. We were taken to another room where a crib was laid out for babies who had died. The nurse brought him in for us to hold and it was then that I took photos of him. Ohh....my goodness, it's bringing back the memories and I can see Jordan now. Such a beautiful baby with golden hair. I also took photos of him in his coffin at the funeral parlour. They are in my possession and haven't been viewed since but I feel a need to keep them. Also, I took photos of his tiny coffin in the hearse with all the flowers. I also videoed him and my daughter has watched it since. They now have 3 more beautiful children who have a great knowledge of their elder brother. They all speak often about him.

My middle daughter also had a baby boy within the same year! He was born prematurely and only lived for 3 hours. Again, I took photos, video and hand/footprints from him. My friend was her midwife at the time. Whilst they were both tragic circumstances of death, I have keepsakes of them, not just for myself but for when my daughters are strong enough to want to see them. I will scrap them at some time but for now they are precious memories. She now has a beautiful little boy of 9 years. My religious beliefs give me hope and I know that I shall see them again when I leave this earth.

Thanks for the thread. However, I have chosen not to view the links as the photos are personal for whom they belong in my opinion.

[viva1angel]

my sister was only a few months old when She died of Cot death, i wasnt Born back then, i think my mum and Dad went to see her at the chapel of Rest but didnt take any Pictures... we have 2 photos of Tracy from her short life. No one really talks about her... but we all remember her... remember her alive rather than Dead. i want to remember her that way... not in her coffin. my grandad always Said she was too Beautiful to Live on Earth. Angels Belonged in Heaven...
i will always be thanksful for the Photographs we have of her as this is the only way i know her...

[mandychap]

A lady I worked with lost her grandson at birth. The parents knew the baby would be still born. They took lots of photos of the baby, my colleague mentioned that she didnt want the baby to be forgotten. I offered to make a memorial album for her. Although it broke my heart seeing the photos of this perfect child Im glad I did it. The family loved the album. I did get annoyed when other people I worked with asked if they could see the pictures as I knew they were looking out of morbid curiosity.
It was one of the loveliest albums I have ever done and I was honoured to do it. The family wanted to pay but I couldnt have accepted money for this. They did send a lovely bouquet.
Mandychap

[HoneyMaker]

i want to remember her that way... not in her coffin. my grandad always Said she was too Beautiful to Live on Earth. Angels Belonged in Heaven...

When my nephew died I found the following quote (author unknown) that kept me going.

~An angel in the book of life wrote down a child's birth and whispered as she closed the book... "too beautiful for earth"~

[HoneyMaker]

Mandychap,

I can't remember if i've said previously on this thread as it has been some time since I actually started it but I did a similar thing for my nephew. Although the pictures I have of him are when he was living I would have done the album just the same if they were not.

[mandychap]

Just looked back at your first post and followed the links.It has actually changed my mind about photographing the dead. I thought these photographs were very beautiful and serene.
Mandychap

[annaboo2006]

I have to say I was a bit edgy about looking at the links. but pleased I did, was pleasantly surprised, they weren't 'creepy' as I would have expected but rather peaceful.

[jakesmum]

i dont really know how to start this reply.......

i have looked at the links (i didt look at all of the photos) and i didnt find them upsetting. i have never seen a dead person luckily no one close to me has passed away so i have never had to grieve for anyone, so when looking at the photos i dont think it really clicked in my head that they were dead iykwim.

i can completely understand why they did take photos of them and can understand why mothers of stillborns etc take photos but if for example my nan passes away i dont think i would find the need to photograph it as i have loads of photos of her alive, i certainly couldnt scrapbook it to me my albums are for my children to remeber happy times and i dont think a picture of someone dead is going to be happy i wpuld rather have loads of lo's from when they were alive.

i hope i have not offended anyone with my reply but each to there own and i would certainly not judge ayone who did decide o scrap the loved ones who have passed

[ibecks]

Thanks for the really interesting link. I'm not easily freaked out by things like this and for the most part you wouldn't know the difference between these and a picture of someone sleeping.

I think the Victorian attitude to death and particularly post-mortem photography is very different to our own. Three in every 20 babies would die before their first birthday and if they made it past that, life expectancy was around 40 years. With photography being a relatively new invention, you can understand why this would have been potentially the only opportunity to get a lasting memory of someone who had passed away. Also bear in mind that the whole funeral/grieving process was far more structured. Funerals were ostentatious and you had a period of formal mourning.

Back to the present day, I think we take so many pictures that the 'need' for a post-mortem photo has pretty much disappeared. That's not to say that *nobody* needs a picture like that, just that if it's not your thing then you probably have hundreds of other photos to remember someone by. The exception is stillborn babies, whose faces would not be preserved without a post-mortem photo.

In the US, there is an organisation where professional photographers volunteer to give their time to take pictures of deceased babies. We're not just talking about snapshots but full-on photo shoots. The pictures they take are stunning and if you didn't know the background you'd swear they were from a studio newborn shoot.

If you feel able, I'd really encourage you to take a look at their website and support the work they do - it's inspiring stuff.
WARNING - Do not click the link if looking at peaceful deceased babies is going to freak you out. Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

[Mitchy]

That site moved me to tears. What a truly wonderful gift to leave with these families.

M

[ally16]

That site moved me to tears.

M

Me too, I cried buckets but I'm glad I looked, beautiful photos.

[Looby Lou]

and me... I viewed them over an hour ago and I still have puffy eyes. Such beautiful photos for the families, but I feel so incredibly sad
I count my blessings and hope that I will never be in the same situation as these families.

[Kj527]

me too.....beautiful photos - I pray that I never have the need for a service like this, they must be such a comfort to the families. Very tastefully done - same as the ones in the original link to the thread.

[scrapbookmadmom]

Amazing photos - thanks for the link ibecks.

I would of loved to have had an opportunity to have a photoshoot like that when we lost our daughter. What an amazing gift those photographers have given.

Kayley