Absolutely furious...

[Rubberduckie UK]

I'm with Sharon on that, next time he breaks something of yours, take his until he replaces it. Fixing it isn't the same and I'd still be absolutely furious with him! It doesn't teach him there are consequences for his actions and maybe his attitude will adjust when he starts to miss his treasured possessions.

Haha...actually, what would be even better is if you confiscate his PS3 until he replaces things and PLAY on it in front of him! Since you can't do your hobby without your tools, he shouldn't get to do his, and you'll need something to do afterall lol! That'll soon teach him how important your things are!

[JaneH]

I'm with Sharon on that, next time he breaks something of yours, take his until he replaces it. Fixing it isn't the same and I'd still be absolutely furious with him! It doesn't teach him there are consequences for his actions and maybe his attitude will adjust when he starts to miss his treasured possessions.

Absolutely agree.... if you don't children about boundaries and consequences, they'll have to wait until they learn it from the big bad world....and it may not be so minor then. At 13, your son is plenty old enough to be held responsible. He needs to learn that "hands off" means just that. Consequences are that he will lose something of HIS. Then his little "unimportant" incidents will suddenly disappear.

[elaina]

I know how you feel Helen, my DD has no respect for our property or even her own. She even has the gall to expect us to replace anything of hers that is broken, lost or stolen and she does not even live at home anymore!

[Nerlly]

The fact he fixed it may mean that he is sorry, my girls learnt this year, that being nasty to me means less under the tree, and guess what apart from the looks on thier face when they only had 6 gifts each, they still had a great time.

Maybe if next time he takes yours you really do take his till it can be swapped will make him think twice. Happy New year by the way.

Oh, he's sorry all right, lol! Trouble is, the 'eye for an eye' thing seems a great idea in theory, but I do find it difficult to carry out in practice. I want my children to care about other people's stuff because they care, not because they're afraid of having their own stuff taken away. We do have certain conventions, such as nobody getting their pocket money until they've done their jobs, but if I'm honest that's mostly an attempt by me to avoid giving them money, lol!

I should say that in the past, when any of the children have broken something in a temper, they've suffered pretty harsh consequences. DD threw her mobile once and broke it. She had to use her birthday money, which she'd earmarked for clothes, to buy another one, and Mum didn't buy any clothes for her either! She's never done it again, although she still has nasty PMT. And DS3 - the very same - once cracked my car windscreen when he kicked it in a rage. The look on his face was priceless, and he was barred from the school fireworks display which at the time was an extremely big deal for him. And for me, in fact, since school is next door so I had to drive him five miles to my mum's house so that he couldn't watch it through the window, lol!

At the end of the day, I suppose it will make a good layout.....

[ScrappyDandyDoo]

Oh dear
The other worrying thing is he could have hurt himself or burnt the house down if he had managed his mission

Sheesh, this is why I don't have kids dogs are bad enough

[BeautifulThings]

I feel for you, Helen. I've been in my craft room today, and I have to spend valuable time putting things away they've used and just put down anywhere. They haven't broken anything lately, though.
Whilst I think the eye for an eye response is probably not the most helpful, I also think that young people are hampered by not really understanding consequences and other people's feelings. Television backs up conflict and selfishness, and everyone seems to have a sense of 'entitlement' which I don't get, either. I found your son's original response (the ten minute lecture on why you didn't matter) very interesting - a woman I know was telling me about her son once, and I thought he must be a psychopath from how she described him - but maybe he is just a regular teenager and I'm not getting it.
I am just going to suggest withdrawal of privilege as a suitable punishment. I get far more response from my DD2 when I tell her she can't have facebook, or credit. If I take something away, she's still got the internet. That really is something she'd be lost without. And you can turn it into something positive, as you could do something together while the modem's off.
Just a thought.
Kate x

[Mole]

Hmm.

Now I don't have children so my perspective comes from the 'what I think I would do' viewpoint which I fully appreciate might be easier said than done!

But at 13, your son ought to be old enough to know that off-limit means just that. And he needs to understand that if he oversteps the mark, then there are consequences.

His pocket money buys you a new piece of kit, or he is grounded for a week, or he has to do the washing up wash the car / mow the lawn or whatever it is. Something that makes him realise that actions always have consequences, and something that puts him out and interrupts life as he'd like it.

It's what my parents did with me and my brother, and it is what my brother always did with his children when they were growing up. They soon realised that if they let the "I want" moment get the better of them that they would have to pay the price. It isn't about an 'eye for an eye', it's all about actions and consequences and learning to take responsibility.

[Mole]

I know how you feel Helen, my DD has no respect for our property or even her own. She even has the gall to expect us to replace anything of hers that is broken, lost or stolen and she does not even live at home anymore!

Blimey I hope you don't give in to her!

[Nerlly]

Gawd, he's a bit odd, you know. I can't decide whether he's got Aspergers tendencies or not. Seriously. I've worked with children who have Aspergers and there is that same 'aarrrrgh, what are you DOING? WHY??' thing going on.... Although in fact I once heard autistic spectrum conditions described as 'extreme male brain' - and he's certainly got one of those.

The other day he made himself a bacon and egg sandwich. He likes his bacon crispy. In fact, if it's not crispy he might just shout. But he was making it himself, so I didn't complain. Until he turned the heat RIGHT UP under the frying pan instead of just cooking it for a bit longer. And then stood there with the window wide open (it was bloody cold), flapping with a teatowel at the smoke but without turning down the flame. And then he used a palette knife to take the bacon out. I asked him how many DOZENS of times I have told them all not to use metal utensils on the teflon. 'What did I say?' I asked him. And he said: 'Don't use plastic utensils'. Aaaargh.

So then DS2 got involved (since he came home for the hols they've done nothing but argue, which is almost amusing since he's clearly decided that actually punching DS3, who's turned into a sort of muscular grasshopper, might now be a bit risky). And he went into the kitchen and started bossing DS3 about. DS3 then claimed that plastic spatulas melt if you use them in a frying pan (yes, I know), and lit a match in order to BURN the spatula and demonstrate his point.

I give up..........:S

ETA: His father was just the same. It was like having a big parrot flying around the room.

[RosieMac]

I'm afraid genes can have a lot to do with it !

[Scattychick]

Helen when you next venture into his room to search for the half dozen missing cups you cant find just unplug the cable connecting the PS3 to the TV and put it somewhere. After all you were doing important household stuff and it isn't like a little electrical cable is important now is it?

[Viv1]

The other day he made himself a bacon and egg sandwich. He likes his bacon crispy. In fact, if it's not crispy he might just shout. But he was making it himself, so I didn't complain. Until he turned the heat RIGHT UP under the frying pan instead of just cooking it for a bit longer. And then stood there with the window wide open (it was bloody cold), flapping with a teatowel at the smoke but without turning down the flame. And then he used a palette knife to take the bacon out. I asked him how many DOZENS of times I have told them all not to use metal utensils on the teflon. 'What did I say?' I asked him. And he said: 'Don't use plastic utensils'. Aaaargh.


This sounds like our youngest son at the same age (He's 33 now). He has set pans and grills on fire in his time. He is very responsible now.

Our oldest son used to take anything to pieces to see how they worked. (45 now)

Our grandson lived with us for a few years and he was the same. He's 18 now and can cook very well. I'm not sure about him burning things now but I do know that some days he behaves like a 13 year old and other days like he's in his 20s. From my experience with young men they don't become responsible until they are in their late 20s.

I sympathise with you but I do know life gets easier as they get older.

[TinkerHamilton]

As for punishment she knows that If I say she will lose her Mac she knows it will happen!

You go take that MAC away. Far too expensive for an inconsiderate teen. I know I did the same!!!!

I came to this thread late. Sorry.

Can I just say it's never too let to take control i almost think the little s@ds are pushing us to it. No matter how old they are they still need boundaries. Ask my Mum, she's still setting them and I'm 54! Tough love is sometimes good love. Look at how DS tried to repair once he knew how fed up you were. Good luck with it all. One day they will be exactly the adult you wished them to be.

EDIT: but don't go asking my mum to confirm that!